Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

Dementia peels back the layers of our lives

Karen Hendrickson
Conditions
November 11, 2022
Share
Tweet
Share

When you begin to pay close attention, you notice how what used to be so easy becomes complicated. When you step back and watch things unfold in front of you, you realize that what once was enough is simply too much. Dementia peels back the layers of our lives, and you begin to understand that less becomes more in the world of dementia.

The signs were there for a long time. I just wasn’t paying attention.

It started with our Mondays. Monday is “momday,” and has been for quite some time now. The day I take Mom out, and we do all the “things” that need to be done together. It began with a run to the bank, a stop at the drugstore, some groceries, and then “Timmie’s” for lunch.

She’d share with me as we’d sit with our hot cups of coffee and lunch. It was new, her sharing. Opening up about the past, sharing stories of the heart pain she had never spoken of before. This time together had become a gift. I was learning about my mom in ways I hadn’t ever understood. That weekly Timmie’s coffee opened the door to understanding and appreciation. In ways I’d never had before. I was grateful to see my mom in this new light and was eager to watch more unfold with her.

Gradually things changed. So gradually that I didn’t really notice at first.

Soon what my mom could manage on any one momday became less and less. Today, it’s either a trip to the grocery store OR the drug store – rarely both. And Timmie’s is now a drive-through experience on our way home.   Dementia has invited confusion and anxiety to our Mondays. Those conversations of close connection are now few and far between. It is only as I sit writing this that I realize just how few they are now. I miss my mom. I miss that window of opportunity where we began to truly see and understand each other. I grieve.

Mondays are now short trips – usually to the grocer. The list is much shorter and is an exact copy of the one she had last week and the week before. I can see that by copying the list, she still feels in control, and maybe, just maybe, I won’t quite notice that it is no longer easy for her to write the long list of grocery items. Less has become more. Less is what she can manage without confusion, fear, or anxiety. Less allows her to feel she has some control and wit about her.   I am sure she grieves.

Mondays are now a short routine, and she knows exactly what to expect. My daughter now joins us. Her granddaughter is a solid foundation where she connects, feels safe, and still feels like grandma. They have a close and loving connection – no words need to be spoken between them. They flow together like waves in the ocean. They have a dance that is based on pure joy and love. Together. This dance is what helps our Mondays go smoothly. It’s a beautiful dance that I am so very grateful to be witness to, and I envy it.

I now drive the car and take care of practicalities while they dance their dance on a Monday. In this world of dementia, less is becoming more.

I grieve.

Karen Hendrickson is a patient advocate and a life coach.

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

Better guidelines that consider breast density are critical for women's health

November 11, 2022 Kevin 1
…
Next

Addressing pain in patient experience surveys [PODCAST]

November 11, 2022 Kevin 0
…

Tagged as: Neurology

Post navigation

< Previous Post
Better guidelines that consider breast density are critical for women's health
Next Post >
Addressing pain in patient experience surveys [PODCAST]

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Related Posts

  • Dementia patients want effective drugs. How will the FDA respond?

    Ron Louie, MD
  • Healers: Peel away the layers

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Medical students in solidarity: Black Lives Matter

    Anna Delamerced
  • The economic argument for saving lives

    Yenting Chen, MD
  • Medicine vs. racism: white coats for black lives

    Divya Seth, MD, MPH
  • Thank you to the patients who have allowed me into your lives

    Johnathan Yao, MD, MPH

More in Conditions

  • Finding healing in narrative medicine: When words replace silence

    Michele Luckenbaugh
  • Why coaching is not a substitute for psychotherapy

    Maire Daugharty, MD
  • Why doctors stay silent about preventable harm

    Jenny Shields, PhD
  • Why gambling addiction is America’s next health crisis

    Safina Adatia, MD
  • How robotics are reshaping the future of vascular procedures

    David Fischel
  • How the shingles vaccine could help prevent dementia

    Marc Arginteanu, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • 2 hours to decide my future: How the SOAP residency match traps future doctors

      Nicolette V. S. Sewall, MD, MPH | Education
    • Why removing fluoride from water is a public health disaster

      Steven J. Katz, DDS | Conditions
    • When did we start treating our lives like trauma?

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • In a fractured world, Brian Wilson’s message still heals

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Why U.S. health care pricing is so confusing—and how to fix it

      Ashish Mandavia, MD | Physician
    • How doctors took back control from hospital executives

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • Why shared decision-making in medicine often fails

      M. Bennet Broner, PhD | Conditions
    • My journey from misdiagnosis to living fully with APBD

      Jeff Cooper | Conditions
    • Why we fear being forgotten more than death itself

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why U.S. health care pricing is so confusing—and how to fix it

      Ashish Mandavia, MD | Physician
    • From survival to sovereignty: What 35 years in the ER taught me about identity, mortality, and redemption

      Kenneth Ro, MD | Physician
    • When doctors forget how to examine: the danger of lost clinical skills

      Mike Stillman, MD | Physician
    • When your dream job becomes a nightmare [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Finding healing in narrative medicine: When words replace silence

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Why coaching is not a substitute for psychotherapy

      Maire Daugharty, MD | Conditions

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

Leave a Comment

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • 2 hours to decide my future: How the SOAP residency match traps future doctors

      Nicolette V. S. Sewall, MD, MPH | Education
    • Why removing fluoride from water is a public health disaster

      Steven J. Katz, DDS | Conditions
    • When did we start treating our lives like trauma?

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • In a fractured world, Brian Wilson’s message still heals

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Physician
    • Why U.S. health care pricing is so confusing—and how to fix it

      Ashish Mandavia, MD | Physician
    • How doctors took back control from hospital executives

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • Why shared decision-making in medicine often fails

      M. Bennet Broner, PhD | Conditions
    • My journey from misdiagnosis to living fully with APBD

      Jeff Cooper | Conditions
    • Why we fear being forgotten more than death itself

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • Why U.S. health care pricing is so confusing—and how to fix it

      Ashish Mandavia, MD | Physician
    • From survival to sovereignty: What 35 years in the ER taught me about identity, mortality, and redemption

      Kenneth Ro, MD | Physician
    • When doctors forget how to examine: the danger of lost clinical skills

      Mike Stillman, MD | Physician
    • When your dream job becomes a nightmare [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Finding healing in narrative medicine: When words replace silence

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Why coaching is not a substitute for psychotherapy

      Maire Daugharty, MD | Conditions

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

Leave a Comment

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...