One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned on my hero’s journey is the importance of learning to accept ourselves (our full selves).
I couldn’t sit across from patients, clients, friends, or family members the way I wanted to until I started to love all parts of me. When I am grounded in love for all parts of me, I show up differently. I show up better able to love all parts of you, too, and am better able to be present with curiosity, compassion, and without judgment. Loving myself does not mean I will cease to evolve. It means I will be kind to myself as I do so, loving myself at every step.
Loving ourselves often has been portrayed as self-centered. However, hating ourselves seems more self-centered as it puts our energy into criticizing ourselves and reduces our capacity to show up for others. Loving ourselves energizes and helps others to love themselves, too.
Our words and behaviors influence those around us. How may loving yourself serve you and others?
Learning to love myself has helped me to nourish my mind, body, and soul in a way that has improved even my most life-threatening self-destructive behaviors. While I will not go so far as to claim it will “cure” those of us who live with eating disorders, addictions, etc., I will report that self-love has been an essential part of the healing journey for me that has helped me be able to better manage symptoms of anorexia and reclaim a higher quality of life and wellness.
Thus, I am done hating any parts of me. I choose to no longer hate any part of me, because hating part of me kept me from feeling whole. When I show up in this world, I want to show up with my whole self, whole heart, and a vigor for life that seeing it through the lens of self-hate didn’t offer.
Today, I choose to love the quirky, sensitive, neurodivergent, multipassionate parts of me as they keep life interesting and enable me to connect deeply with others. I choose to honor the parts of me that get irritated and angry – as they show me what matters and where my values are being crossed. I choose to love the imperfections and self-doubts, a reminder of my commitment to always be learning, growing, and open to evolving. I love the parts of me that get up each day and choose to keep going, and the parts of me that raise their flags and ask me to surrender when tired. The parts of me that didn’t want to keep going at times helped me to see where I wasn’t honoring all parts of me.
I used to ask “What’s wrong with me?” when I couldn’t push through exhaustion and show up with a smile. It seems silly when I write it, yet felt so true when I thought it. Now, I ask myself “What do you need in these moments?”… And offering more love to the parts of me that are suffering often reduces the pain enough to hear what’s underneath.
Today and every day, I choose to stop hating any part of me and instead choose love, compassion, and curiosity.
What do you choose for you? How may you honor all parts of you?
Jillian Rigert is an oral medicine specialist and radiation oncology research fellow.
