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We dive into the transformative power of internal language with clinical psychologist Faust Ruggiero. Discover how the words we use to communicate with ourselves shape our emotions, behaviors, and relationships. Faust shares practical strategies for retraining the brain to move away from negative thought patterns, replacing them with positive, productive self-talk. Learn how past traumas can influence internal dialogue and explore actionable steps for fostering a healthier mindset.

Faust Ruggiero is a clinical psychologist.

He discusses the KevinMD article, “How to rewire your brain with positive language.”

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Transcript

Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show. Subscribe at KevinMD.com/podcast. We welcome back today Faust Ruggiero. He’s a clinical psychologist. Today’s KevinMD article is “How to rewire your brain with positive language.” Faust, welcome back to the show.

Faust Ruggiero: Kevin, it’s a pleasure to be back with you. Like I said, I didn’t get enough the first time around, so I have to make sure we hit all the cues this time.

Kevin Pho: It’s always a pleasure to talk to you again. You’re a clinical psychologist, and we’ll jump right into your article. Before talking about it, what led you to write it and contribute to KevinMD? It’s titled “How to rewire your brain with positive language.”

Faust Ruggiero: You know, Kevin, the more and more I counsel people over the years, I found that the way they were thinking translated into how they were going to behave. Not only that, if you’ve got negative language going on in your head, that’s what you live with all the time, that’s what your body lives with.

And there is a connection, as we all know, that the way the brain, and we have a tendency to separate the brain and the body, they’re one. So as the brain is being flushed with negative energy, the body experiences that, and we find changes in lots of things, cortisol levels, all those kinds of things. So it doesn’t create a healthy mind or a healthy body.

Kevin Pho: So when you talk to your clients in your office, give us an example of some of this negative language that they tell you they’re thinking.

Faust Ruggiero: The first two are what the other person or other people made me do, as if that can happen. And the second ones are the I can’t, I can’t do this. And then trying to motivate people, I just tell them, it’s a very simple way, you’re going to retrain your brain. And they’ll say, “Well, you know, I’ve been doing it this long, how am I going to change?”

And I said, “Well, the fact that you have been doing it tells you that you trained your brain one direction. Do you really believe your brain’s one-dimensional, it can only go in one direction? It’s a learning machine. It’ll go wherever you tell it to go. So let’s retrain it to do some things that are going to make you happier, more productive, make your life, your relationships, a better place to be.”

Kevin Pho: So before we talk about how we can do that, tell us about some of the ramifications if people don’t retrain their brain and continue on that pathway of negative thinking. How does it affect the other areas of their lives typically?

Faust Ruggiero: Well, let’s look at what we’re dealing with right now. We have an election in the picture, and watch people go at each other with very small amounts of factual information, with emotions full of anger, packed with anger. And if you don’t vote my way, you’re the enemy. And I said, well, where are you getting that? And if I don’t particularly see your point of view, I might have information for you that’s going to change the way you live, or at the very least it’ll give you a different perspective.

In my own life, I want to be the guy that says, OK, let me just hear what you have to say. I don’t know what I’m going to do with it. It’s not even about that. It’s about my willingness to open up and let new information come into my mind. Then I can weigh it and see where it fits.

So that’s the first thing. It’s how we express anger to other people. It’s our relationships. It affects our ability to trust, our communication system. If I’m negative all the time, when you begin to bring something in my direction, I’m probably going to fire back. I have a tendency then to reload and not listen to what you’re saying.

And then it’s how I color my world. Do I want to color it with positive energy if I can, but at least neutral energy? I don’t want to color everything with negative energy, because regardless of what happens, I’ll find something in it that’s not good. I don’t want to be that person.

Kevin Pho: People who have those negative thoughts or negative energy, as you say, do they realize what they’re doing? Do they have that insight before they talk to you, that they are continually thinking down that negative path?

Faust Ruggiero: They don’t. And the reason is, all of us, the way our society is set up, is we look outside at something out there that caused it or makes it worse. What’s my triggering device, rather than say, why am I doing this? If we could be a little bit better at asking that question, why am I feeling this way, why am I reacting, how did I get there? Because we don’t have control over all that outside stuff, but we do, once we understand it, we do have control over the way we ourselves think about things.

So do they know that? No, they just know something’s wrong, something’s not working. And then once I introduce that to them, and I’ll ask those questions, the one I want them to ask themselves, I’ll say, “Well, why did you think that? How did you get there? Let’s trace how you got there.” They first go outside, but then they realize, yeah, I’m doing this same thing. And that’s what they’ll say, that that thing I do, that over and over again, and I apply it to all these things. Then they start to get it.

Kevin Pho: And when you bring that up to them, is it a revelation? Is it a surprise to them when you point out that fact to them?

Faust Ruggiero: For some people, but that’s a minority. Most people I have to give them their, what I call their, resistance time. “Oh no, it’s not that.” So you get this, “Wait, you don’t understand this.” I said, “Well, you know what, I don’t know that I need to understand all that. I want you to understand you. I’m asking you why you did that.”

And then the next question, because you have to follow it then, is how could you do it differently? Let’s try this. And then that’s when I introduce something like take a step back. Something happens, and before you react because it triggered you and got you angry, take a step back and say, let me just think about what I want to do here. I’m not so sure I like that.

But let’s start getting cognitive, if you will. Let’s start bringing this into the frontal cortex of our brain. Let’s examine it. Let’s say, OK, what exactly is going on? Let’s look at the facts. Why does it make me feel that way? What can I do about it?

It’s interesting, those questions get in the way of the immediate reaction, and the immediate reaction is what instigates the anger. So we can introduce 10 seconds of questions, simple questions, what happened. Automatically, the anger response wasn’t activated immediately. The brain now begins to do some work, which is a little different than the emotions taking over and reacting.

Kevin Pho: So once they realize that they are thinking along a negative path and you point it out, and now they have that insight, and you started talking about the first steps to rewire their brain, maybe taking a step back, pausing and thinking about questions for 10 seconds and let that negative reaction dissipate, talk about the next step. So what happens next in the process of rewiring their brain for a more positive slant?

Faust Ruggiero: Now we’re talking. If I get people to slow down a bit and start asking those questions, now we start doing fact finding, which really, it sounds like you’re going on the internet or in books, or what you’re just saying, let me ask some questions here. I may ask them of myself, I’m asking of someone else, let me go get facts.

Let’s go back to the election. One of the candidates might say, this is my opinion about the wall and letting people in. OK, he likes it, he doesn’t like it, she likes it, whatever. Now that’s what they’re reacting to. I said, let’s take a step back and let’s look at it. What are we talking about? Who’s coming in? What’s the present policy? What are we looking at in terms of getting people and integrating them into a different society?

So let’s do the fact finding. Now once you do that, you’re going to have a little bit more information, or maybe a lot more information, to start thinking about what direction you want to move in. So the next step is the fact finding, get information. And you know as well as I do, information, the correct information, always leads to a solution, but emotions and reactions rarely if ever do.

Kevin Pho: What do you say to those who find information that already reinforces their pre-existing way of thinking? Because as you can imagine, there are so many sources of information on the internet that is questionable, and you could always find studies or information that already fits your pre-existing notions.

Faust Ruggiero: It’s a great question. When I tell people about fact finding, getting information, the first thing I say is try not to have an opinion about it before you go in, or what you’re going to do is try to substantiate your opinion. You want to get off that and say, OK, I think I like this, but let me just put that aside here. I’m going to just go out there and ask the question, or research a question that has been asked, and I am going to get information that just comes in. It’s neutral, really.

That’s what I’m looking for. I’m not looking for information to substantiate one side or the other. I want neutral information. I just want information, which really is what information is, it’s neutral. We put the emotional charge in it one way or another. But I just want them to understand that what’s coming in should be neutral.

If you are going in, you’re saying, well, this is my opinion about the wall, now I’m going to go get information, what you’re not going to realize, you’ve already slanted your search process. So I try, we talk about being unbiased and just getting neutral information.

Kevin Pho: All right, tell us the next step after that.

Faust Ruggiero: OK, so you’ve got information now. Now you’re going to make some decisions about what you want to do. Sometimes the information was enough, hey, I got this, that satisfied what I need, I’m OK.

Sometimes again, if we’re using a voting example, you might say, OK, based on all this, I looked at foreign policy and economics, and abortion’s a big topic as it always is, I’m looking at discrimination, I’m looking at the wall, I’m looking at all these things. Now I’ve got all my information, I’ve got kind of a bigger picture representation of things. Now I’m in a position to make a decision, what I want to do about it, if anything.

It may just be that I want to be an informed person and that’s how I like to live, or it may be that I’m going to vote one way or another. So I’m going to now make a decision about what I want to do with it. That’s my next question. Got this information, now what do I need to do with it?

Kevin Pho: Give us an ideal outcome. Someone who has successfully rewired their brain to think more positive, what would you like to see in an ideal situation? What’s an ideal outcome?

Faust Ruggiero: Let’s use a different example. A person is having a difficult time at work with one of the supervisors, and they’re angry all the time, and the supervisor reacts, and they may even be correct about the man. But you know, that’s their livelihood, they’re in a position not to be able to leave there. So what do we do?

Well, we’re going to gather all the information. We’re going to take a step back first and say, what’s going on, what am I feeling? I need to get more information. I’m going to get as much information as I can. I’m going to look at the ways I may be able to deal with this. Maybe to talk to him, have a nice conversation. I may need to go above to a human resources department. I may look at a different job, whatever.

I’ve got that information, I’m going to make some decisions. Or I’m going to say, all right, gee, I got all this, now I see why all this was happening. I thought he was a bad supervisor, but he’s getting pressure from above him, and then of course he has to have me performing at a higher level so he doesn’t get in trouble. Well, now I got that, I have some ideas, and maybe I’m going to talk to him about that, or I might say I don’t need to do anything, or I might want to leave.

I’m going to make some decisions, but I have information that took me out of a reactive position, so to speak, hating this person who I didn’t have to have bad feelings about. And I’m going to make some decisions to either improve my work relationships and not have that experience, or I’m going to leave, or I’m going to continue the way it is. But I have options. That’s what I want to build into this. As I tell people, you want to have options, decisions that don’t lock you into one particular way of doing things.

Kevin Pho: And what kind of success rates do you see with this approach in terms of rewiring one’s brain to think positively, and how long would it take in most cases?

Faust Ruggiero: Depends on the person. Anyone who is willing to accept the idea that some of this is me, some of this is the way I think and react, when they get that and they say, OK, I got that. As soon as they see that, no one wants to own that, we don’t like owning negative stuff. So either we’re going to deny it and rationalize, or we’re going to say I want to do something about it. Those people that say, “Yep, help me,” it’s almost across the board, they all get better. I use it in my own life every day. So who gets better? Almost anyone who wants to do it, absolutely.

How long does it take? Depends on the person, and depends on not only them, it depends on the environment they’re locked in. If they’re going in, it’s a horrible relationship and the spouse is maybe an alcoholic and they’re abusive, that doesn’t exactly foster positive energy. So it may be we have other changes to make before they can get there, but it puts them on the right track.

For a person that’s just dealing with themselves, three, four, five months, we can get them to do things completely differently. For those that have external influencers like those and relationship issues, that may take a while, and we may need to make changes.

Kevin Pho: Tell us a success story. Could be hypothetical, could be real, where we can see some of these methods in action that has been used successfully. Tell us a story.

Faust Ruggiero: I’ll use a very simple one. A fellow that came to me, and he still comes every now and then just for his tune-ups, but going back about 15, 20 years ago, he came in with anger, at work, on the road when he was driving.

And when we got into this and we really took a look at the information and he went into himself, he saw there were some old past traumas that were not addressed, some abusive things, bullying, that kind of thing. So there was always an undercurrent for anger. His thinking always went negative. It went negative because it went protective. He used the negativity to protect himself.

When I got inside him, so to speak, and started working with that, and he realized it, we put some closure on those old issues. We looked at his life the way it was, and there were some issues with the woman he married, there were some affairs, things like that. Got her into the picture and cleaned up some things. They’ve been together happy now for 25 years. He comes in just for his tune-up once or twice a year, doing really well, and the tune-up is always in his mind, just make sure I’m thinking internally, I’m asking the questions I need to ask, that I don’t go off track at all.

So a real positive case with a person who came in angry, had a lot of things to deal with, reversed that language, reversed the way he was training his mind, and continues to use all those tools. And that’s the other point of this. We can change it, but now you take it and run with it, and you keep using the tools. And if you need tune-ups, then you’re going to get tune-ups.

Kevin Pho: That’s great. We’re talking to Faust Ruggiero. He’s a clinical psychologist. Today’s KevinMD article is “How to rewire your brain with positive language.” Faust, we’ll end with some of your take-home messages that you want to leave with the KevinMD audience.

Faust Ruggiero: Absolutely. The first thing is, let’s get away from the notion that once you’re angry and you’re thinking that way internally, that that can’t change. That’s an old wives’ tale. It’s not the case. Every human brain, unless it is traumatized or you’re dealing with some special developmental concerns, every brain can change. So you want to know that everyone can, you can too. That’s the first thing.

The second thing is, if you’re willing to put the time into it, it’s not a quick fix, but if you want to put the time in, we can get you to places that you are comfortable, and you’re going to go in, see some things about yourself, but you’re not going to walk away thinking like, oh man, I’m really messed up. You’re going to say, OK, I identified what I have to do, and I got some options, I got some tools that I’m going to do to make this happen.

And the last thing is, if you commit to it and stay with it, you’re going to find a whole different version of yourself, a more powerful person in there who’s honest with yourself and willing to go in and do some checks and balances with who you are. It changes your world completely, and anyone can do it. That’s the key takeaway, anyone can do this if you are willing to put the time in.

Kevin Pho: Faust, thank you so much for sharing your perspective and insight, and thanks again for coming on the show.

Faust Ruggiero: Kevin, as always, it’s been a thrill. Let’s do it.