I’m getting married in November and am not “registered” anywhere. Doing so hadn’t even occurred to me until people started asking, “where are you registered?”

At first, I simply laughed. Dan and I have enough for two households. Now I’m re-thinking the bridal registry thing.

Here comes the under-insured, chronically-ill bride going on two years without primary medical care … and I want to register at the Mayo Clinic.

My bridal registry wish list includes (in priority order): comprehensive blood work and urine analysis; a mammogram, pap smear, and DEXA scan; a complete eye exam by an ophthalmologist; an EKG and echo-cardiogram; and an MRI of my lower spine and X-rays of both knees.

Plus, I’d really love to receive physicians samples of medications I currently take, most especially the one that will never go generic and I cannot afford. I want copies of all test results and clinical observations because, to make matters worse, I consider myself an e-patient.

Hilarious, right? Only if you, too, work for the healthcare industry and can appreciate grotesque irony. Otherwise, not so much.

Meredith Gould is a sociologist and can be reached on Twitter @MeredithGould.

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