Skip to content
  • About
  • Contact
  • Contribute
  • Book
  • Careers
  • Podcast
  • Recommended
  • Speaking
  • All
  • Physician
  • Practice
  • Policy
  • Finance
  • Conditions
  • .edu
  • Patient
  • Meds
  • Tech
  • Social
  • Video
    • All
    • Physician
    • Practice
    • Policy
    • Finance
    • Conditions
    • .edu
    • Patient
    • Meds
    • Tech
    • Social
    • Video
    • About
    • Contact
    • Contribute
    • Book
    • Careers
    • Podcast
    • Recommended
    • Speaking

How a physician suicide 30 years ago affected this doctor today

Niran S. Al-Agba, MD
Physician
April 22, 2016
Share
Tweet
Share

Physicians have one of the highest rates of suicide of any profession: nearly twice the rate of the general population. 400 physicians commit suicide each year in the United States. The stress of being a doctor is constant and unrelenting. The majority of us are perfectionists with a strong work ethic: your classic Type A personality. Maybe we set ourselves up for failure and then cannot accept when it inevitably occurs. Failure is a part of medicine because it is a part of life.

I was 12 years old in 1987 when the first physician I knew committed suicide. My father was the seventh physician to join a large group practice in 1971. I was raised attending summertime backyard picnics at other physicians’ homes and remember most of their families and children. It was a close-knit community of medical providers back then; something that may have prevented more tragic events like this from occurring.

He was an excellent internal medicine physician, revered by many in our county. His wife was beautiful, kind, and could sew the best Halloween costumes in town. I still have a picture of the Snow White costume I borrowed one year; it was as beautifully made as my wedding gown. He had two darling daughters, one my age and another two years older than me. They had horses out in front of their house. I remember being in awe of them.

There was more camaraderie between physicians then there is today. This doctor had a great sense of humor from stories I have been told. He had a nurse wheel him down to my dad’s clinic (the bottom floor of the medical building where a community health clinic resides now) in a wheelchair. He was pretending he passed out and gave his colleagues quite a scare.

I do not know why he committed suicide. It was a gunshot to the head at that same building where they had played jokes on each other. He asked another physician to meet there to talk minutes before completing this final act. The physician arrived to find his friend and colleague dead.  As what happened to his friend dawned on him, he went to throw up, and then dialed 911.

It has been nearly 30 years since this heartbreaking event unfolded, yet it occurs every single day to other physicians in the United States, and we do not think twice about it. These struggling doctors are mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, husbands, wives, colleagues, and friends. I have known other medical providers that have committed suicide, even one of my medical school classmates.

At one time, all of these people had applied to medical school and the day they were accepted was likely amongst the best of their lives. What happened to those bright eyed and bushy tailed medical students they once were when their journey began? How did they reach the point they felt suicide was the only way out of their disillusionment?

The business and administrative responsibilities of running a practice are vast, let alone the overwhelming stress and fear of making a mistake and inadvertently, someone dies at our hands. We carry this burden with us on a daily basis. If we cannot cope with the uncertainty of medicine, it can manifest as depression, anxiety, alcoholism, or suicide.

Finding balance is the only answer to surviving many decades in this grueling profession; it is different for each physician. For some of us, it is picking up our children from school every day and discussing their day on the drive home. Making sure I meet the needs of my children to the best of my ability helps keep me grounded while I acknowledge and accept unhappy or unsatisfied patients in my own office. Stepping back to look at the big picture, I always ask myself if whatever is happening will matter in five years. If the answer is no, I refuse to take it personally and try to let it go.

I have thought so often of this family over the last three decades and wonder where his wife and daughters are today. I am certain they have started families of their own, and I hope they have found balance and peace where their father could not. Here is what I have learned about avoiding burnout and trying to find true balance: Life is extraordinarily precious; do the very best where you can and do not waste a moment on anything outside of your control. Words I live by.

Niran S. Al-Agba is a pediatrician.  

Image credit: Shutterstock.com

Prev

An objective national standard for clinical skills is critical. Here's why.

April 22, 2016 Kevin 16
…
Next

Drug addiction is a learning disorder

April 22, 2016 Kevin 1
…

ADVERTISEMENT

Tagged as: Pediatrics, Primary Care

Post navigation

< Previous Post
An objective national standard for clinical skills is critical. Here's why.
Next Post >
Drug addiction is a learning disorder

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Niran S. Al-Agba, MD

  • Is there hope for COVID with home visits?

    Niran S. Al-Agba, MD
  • A tale of two epidemics: COVID and obesity

    Niran S. Al-Agba, MD
  • Delivering health care at a retail clinic isn’t something to be proud of

    Niran S. Al-Agba, MD

Related Posts

  • A physician’s addiction to social media

    Amanda Xi, MD
  • Start with the students: Addressing the future of physician suicide

    Anonymous
  • Physician suicide: We need safe spaces to talk about it

    Ton La, Jr., MD, JD
  • Physician Suicide Awareness Day: Where are the patients? 

    Jennifer M. Sweeney
  • How a physician keynote can highlight your conference

    Kevin Pho, MD
  • Chasing numbers contributes to physician burnout

    DrizzleMD

More in Physician

  • When doctors forget how to examine: the danger of lost clinical skills

    Mike Stillman, MD
  • When the white coats become gatekeepers: How a quiet cartel strangles America’s health

    Anonymous
  • The man in seat 11A survived, but why don’t our patients?

    Dr. Vivek Podder
  • When did we start treating our lives like trauma?

    Maureen Gibbons, MD
  • Medicalizing burnout misses the real problem

    Jessie Mahoney, MD
  • Why some doctors age gracefully—and others grow bitter

    Patrick Hudson, MD
  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • 2 hours to decide my future: How the SOAP residency match traps future doctors

      Nicolette V. S. Sewall, MD, MPH | Education
    • Why removing fluoride from water is a public health disaster

      Steven J. Katz, DDS | Conditions
    • When did we start treating our lives like trauma?

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • In a fractured world, Brian Wilson’s message still heals

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Physician
    • When doctors forget how to examine: the danger of lost clinical skills

      Mike Stillman, MD | Physician
    • How doctors took back control from hospital executives

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • Why shared decision-making in medicine often fails

      M. Bennet Broner, PhD | Conditions
    • My journey from misdiagnosis to living fully with APBD

      Jeff Cooper | Conditions
    • Why we fear being forgotten more than death itself

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • When doctors forget how to examine: the danger of lost clinical skills

      Mike Stillman, MD | Physician
    • When your dream job becomes a nightmare [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Finding healing in narrative medicine: When words replace silence

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Why coaching is not a substitute for psychotherapy

      Maire Daugharty, MD | Conditions
    • When the white coats become gatekeepers: How a quiet cartel strangles America’s health

      Anonymous | Physician
    • Why doctors stay silent about preventable harm

      Jenny Shields, PhD | Conditions

Subscribe to KevinMD and never miss a story!

Get free updates delivered free to your inbox.


Find jobs at
Careers by KevinMD.com

Search thousands of physician, PA, NP, and CRNA jobs now.

Learn more

View 1 Comments >

Founded in 2004 by Kevin Pho, MD, KevinMD.com is the web’s leading platform where physicians, advanced practitioners, nurses, medical students, and patients share their insight and tell their stories.

Social

  • Like on Facebook
  • Follow on Twitter
  • Connect on Linkedin
  • Subscribe on Youtube
  • Instagram

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Most Popular

  • Past Week

    • 2 hours to decide my future: How the SOAP residency match traps future doctors

      Nicolette V. S. Sewall, MD, MPH | Education
    • Why removing fluoride from water is a public health disaster

      Steven J. Katz, DDS | Conditions
    • When did we start treating our lives like trauma?

      Maureen Gibbons, MD | Physician
    • In a fractured world, Brian Wilson’s message still heals

      Arthur Lazarus, MD, MBA | Physician
    • When doctors forget how to examine: the danger of lost clinical skills

      Mike Stillman, MD | Physician
    • How doctors took back control from hospital executives

      Gene Uzawa Dorio, MD | Physician
  • Past 6 Months

    • Why tracking cognitive load could save doctors and patients

      Hiba Fatima Hamid | Education
    • What the world must learn from the life and death of Hind Rajab

      Saba Qaiser, RN | Conditions
    • The silent toll of ICE raids on U.S. patient care

      Carlin Lockwood | Policy
    • Why shared decision-making in medicine often fails

      M. Bennet Broner, PhD | Conditions
    • My journey from misdiagnosis to living fully with APBD

      Jeff Cooper | Conditions
    • Why we fear being forgotten more than death itself

      Patrick Hudson, MD | Physician
  • Recent Posts

    • When doctors forget how to examine: the danger of lost clinical skills

      Mike Stillman, MD | Physician
    • When your dream job becomes a nightmare [PODCAST]

      The Podcast by KevinMD | Podcast
    • Finding healing in narrative medicine: When words replace silence

      Michele Luckenbaugh | Conditions
    • Why coaching is not a substitute for psychotherapy

      Maire Daugharty, MD | Conditions
    • When the white coats become gatekeepers: How a quiet cartel strangles America’s health

      Anonymous | Physician
    • Why doctors stay silent about preventable harm

      Jenny Shields, PhD | Conditions

MedPage Today Professional

An Everyday Health Property Medpage Today
  • Terms of Use | Disclaimer
  • Privacy Policy
  • DMCA Policy
All Content © KevinMD, LLC
Site by Outthink Group

How a physician suicide 30 years ago affected this doctor today
1 comments

Comments are moderated before they are published. Please read the comment policy.

Loading Comments...