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Our guest for today’s episode is Samantha Benjamin-Allen, a physiatrist who will be sharing her personal struggles with setting boundaries as a physician, and the importance of self-care, as well as seeking help when necessary.
Samantha discusses how saying yes to everything out of a sense of obligation or fear can lead to anxiety and depression, which is prevalent in the culture of self-sacrifice that is applauded in medicine. She shares a personal story of a colleague’s sister, who was a radiologist, a mother of three, and a wife who committed suicide due to burnout.
Samantha highlights the significance of seeking help and not feeling ashamed of it. She shares her experience of seeking counseling and how it helped her identify the underlying issues that caused her to make decisions that were not in her best interest.
Samantha Benjamin-Allen is a physiatrist.
She shares her story and discusses her KevinMD article, “A physician’s story of survival: the importance of seeking help.”
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Transcript
Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show. Rate and review at kevinmd.com/rate. Subscribe at kevinmd.com/podcast. Today on the show, we have Samantha Benjamin-Allen. She’s a physiatrist, and her KevinMD article is titled “A physician’s story of survival: the importance of seeking help.” Samantha, welcome to the show.
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: Thank you for having me, Kevin. It’s a pleasure to be here.
Kevin Pho: We’ll get into your article in a little bit. First off, briefly share your story and journey to where you are today.
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: OK. Well, I am Dr. Samantha Benjamin-Allen. I am board-certified in physical medicine and rehabilitation, and I serve patients in the D.C. metropolitan area, helping them see their potential beyond their circumstances, whether it be disability, illness, trauma, or just chronic disease. I help them meet their functional and wellness goals through seeing them in the home.
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Kevin Pho: All right. So walk us through a typical day as a physical medicine and rehabilitation specialist. Talk about some typical cases, some typical things that you would see.
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: Some typical things that we see in physical medicine and rehab are strokes, brain injuries, trauma from accidents, or just post-surgical debility, like hip and knee replacements, even cardiovascular procedures, you know, post-CABG cardiac rehab, and pulmonary rehab as well for people with lung disease. Those are the most common things, and neuromuscular diseases.
Kevin Pho: All right. And what are some misconceptions or misperceptions about physical medicine and rehab that, since you have a platform here, you’d like to clear up?
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: I think there are a lot of people who don’t know what it is, so it’s nice to be able to share what it is with others. And I think a misperception is that there’s an acronym, or a little meme, that PM&R is “plenty of money and relaxation,” but it’s actually a very stressful job, especially in the hospital setting. Days run long, you know, long hours, a lot of demand and heavy needs for our patients.
And there are a lot of aspects outside of just medicine in terms of the experience of recovering from something tragic, like, you know, a traumatic brain injury or a severe accident, where we deal with the mental, emotional, and spiritual, as well as the physical, components of someone recovering from their illness. So it’s a broad field in that regard, and we also deal with the chronic diseases that a lot of people already come with. So along with the medical piece, we have a lot of involvement when it comes to the other aspects of what makes us a whole person.
Kevin Pho: All right. So let’s move on and talk about your KevinMD article, titled “A physician’s story of survival: the importance of seeking help.” Now tell us, how did this article come together?
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: It’s funny you ask. I actually tried to post my article as a video on my Instagram, and the administrators blocked it for some reason. I don’t know if just the mention of the word “suicide” made them red-flag it, or what the case was, but I think God had intentions for this message to reach far more people than I could have imagined.
So there was a burden on my heart after I had that encounter with Michelle Chestovich, which I mentioned in my article, where she shared that her sister had committed suicide, and her sister was a physician and a radiologist, you know? And the story touched my heart so deeply, and I felt like this message needed to be shared with the people who are losing hope in our community. And your platform came to mind. And I said, “Hmm, why don’t I post it on KevinMD?” And here we are. So that’s kind of how it came together.
Kevin Pho: All right, so give us a little bit of background. Tell us about your conversation with Dr. Chestovich.
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: Sure. So Dr. Chestovich shares her story, or her sister’s story, really, of how she went from, you know, being a very hardworking, energetic, bold, you know, female radiologist with three children and, you know, a supportive family, and kind of spiraled down into this sea of hopelessness, where she was overworked and not really seeing a way out. And, you know, unfortunately, she committed suicide.
But as I listened to her story and reflected on it, I could see pieces of me, you know, just being a physician, exhausted, and then getting to a place where you start to wonder why you did it in the first place. You can forget when you become so overburdened by all of the responsibilities, the family life, the responsibilities in the hospital, long hours. You know, you can do 12-hour days for five, six days a week. And, you know, it all piles up eventually if we don’t take a moment to really reconnect with ourselves and learn strategies to prioritize the things that matter to us, and show up, you know, in the areas that we’re responsible for at work, and be able to deliver the quality that we really want to. It becomes difficult when we get to a place where we just feel overwhelmed.
Kevin Pho: Now, you mentioned that there were some aspects of Dr. Chestovich’s sister’s story that resonated in your own life. What were those specific things?
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: Well, as she told the story, a specific incident came to my mind from when I was in residency. As we all know, residency can be very grueling, and there are long hours, there’s call. And I presented at a medical conference, and I also had a funeral for a family member, you know, within the same time period. So I had to present at the medical conference, and then I flew back to Philadelphia. At that time, the conference was in Vegas, so I flew back to Philadelphia, then was at the funeral, participated. And, you know, the grief of a loss is very challenging when you don’t really have time to pause and process everything, and you’re just working through all of it.
And I felt ill and went to the ER with a fever of 104. And they said, “Oh, you just have a UTI. We’re going to send you some oral antibiotics.” And I was taking them, and I continued to work, and I went to my clinical rotations, you know, the following Monday. And I went to use the bathroom, only to discover that I couldn’t urinate, and immediately I broke out into a cold sweat. I started vomiting. I fell to the floor, and I had enough strength to just send out a quick text to one of my colleagues and say, “Please come to the bathroom. I feel something is deadly wrong, and if somebody doesn’t come now, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get out.”
And, you know, she came in there, and my attending came and, you know, helped get me off the floor and tried to get me to a room where I could lie down. And this is so embarrassing, but I’m sharing it, you know, because I realize that stories can help others, but, you know, I ended up having explosive diarrhea. You know, they had to call the ambulance. I went to the ER with septic pyelonephritis. My white count was in the high 20s. My blood pressure was low. You know, it was a disaster. But that incident was one that helped to open my eyes to realize how disconnected I had become from myself, to the point that I could get that sick and just keep pushing through, you know.
Kevin Pho: So something like that happened. How do you feel about that mentality of pushing through no matter what harm there is to your body or what your body is telling you? Do you think that mentality is pervasive throughout the medical profession?
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: I do. You know, we were told these things while we’re training. You know, you kind of hold your bladder, because you’ve got to get through a procedure or you’ve got to be here at this specific time. So you kind of practice denying yourself so that you can get through the requirements of the rigorous program that you’re in, so that you can meet your goals and reach the next step. But in the process, I think we start to lose our sense of agency, not consciously. It kind of just happens over time, unless you’re aware of it and you start to make decisions to be self-aware and to take care of yourself.
And what I realized came after I sought counseling in the process, as, you know, multiple things kind of piled up, and I started noticing I was becoming more and more anxious, and, you know, I just was feeling down, and I said, “You know, something is off. Something is not right.” And I think counseling was very helpful because it helped to pull out the things in me that were causing me to be poor at setting boundaries.
You know, I grew up in a single-parent household, and I struggled with this feeling of rejection and not feeling like I was good enough. And, you know, what drove me was this feeling that I need to prove myself. And when you have that mindset, you actually find yourself proving yourself at your own expense. You’re not even realizing what you’re doing in the process, you know? And through that, I started to learn how to believe. I know we know a lot of things we should think or we should say, but I really started to believe that I am worthy and I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. You know, and just that thought alone was very freeing.
And I know a lot of people in the clinical setting are, you know, high achievers, very driven, and some might even struggle with the same feeling, like, “I’ve got to prove myself. I’ve got to show up. I’ve got to do this.” And it serves us to some degree, but it’s also very important to take care of yourself so you can do what you’re called to do and do it well.
Kevin Pho: So you mentioned the concept of setting boundaries. How do you think the inability to set boundaries impacts a physician’s health, and why do you think it’s important to address that issue?
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: Well, not being able to set boundaries impacts our health in many ways, and it’s different for different people. You know, we have this grind mentality a lot of the time, where you might go days without any significant or sufficient sleep. Even in college, you know, people are praised for staying up 24 hours for the exam. And, you know, eventually, when we don’t take time to rest and we don’t take time to recharge and replenish, it’s going to catch up to us, whether we want it to or not. It’s going to.
And it might show up in mistakes on the job. It might show up in making poor decisions on behalf of your patients when you’re caring for them, because the capacity for your mind to think clearly is becoming diminished as you are neglecting yourself. So I think that’s one of the major ways it can show up in the health care setting is, you know, not being able to set boundaries to protect the things that you value, including your health, which is major, because if we don’t have our health, we can’t really function in the areas we need to show up well in. It also negatively impacts the other things that we have to do.
Kevin Pho: So tell us what kind of specific changes you made after this episode, after counseling, that helped you going forward.
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: One thing I did, well, the way I even encountered Michelle Chestovich is, I participated in a women physicians’ coaching program. What that did, though, was show me that I’m not alone. A lot of us go through our struggles feeling like we’re in isolation and we’re the only ones going through it. But when you’re in a community and you see other physicians who have similar struggles, it actually eases some of that weight, where you feel like this is only your problem and you’ve got to figure it all out alone. And people share what works for them, and you feel empowered in the process to keep moving forward and working on yourself.
So some of the things that I did, you asked, is I’m more intentional about making my agenda for the day, leaving a little white space, putting my sleep and my meals in the agenda, because sometimes I go through a day and forget to eat just because I’m just running and doing the things that matter.
So, you know, different people have different values, but setting time in your plan to meet with a friend or family member to catch up, because when we’re very busy, sometimes we’ll go weeks without speaking to someone, you know, whose company we enjoy, just because we’re just so busy in life. So whatever is important for you, I would say, make that a priority and put it in your agenda, whether it’s, you know, daily, weekly, monthly, whatever those things are. Set them in advance so that life doesn’t, you know, get in the way of those things, and then you lose yourself in the process because you’re not feeding the things that are important to you.
Kevin Pho: We’re talking to Samantha Benjamin-Allen. She’s a physiatrist, and her KevinMD article is titled “A physician’s story of survival: the importance of seeking help.” Samantha, tell us what kind of advice you have for physicians who may be struggling, who are in similar situations to where you were. What kind of advice do you have for these physicians?
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: That’s a good question. I’d say for some of you, you might be thinking there’s more. And you’re probably right. But consider the thought that where you are right now is an opportunity for you to learn the strategies and the skills that you need to use for the greater things that lie ahead. And take advantage of that, rather than drowning in a sea of despair or feeling like, “What’s the point?” Remind yourself of why you’re doing this, and also consider that the here and now is where you can learn some strategies and skills that will launch you into what’s greater.
Kevin Pho: And my final question, Samantha, tell us some of your take-home messages that you want to leave with the KevinMD audience.
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: The take-home message I would say is, you are loved. Your story matters. Your life matters. And the things that you’re going through matter. I’m a living testimony that God can turn beauty for ashes and transform you into all that you were created to be, using even the worst of circumstances, if you’re willing to see it.
Kevin Pho: Samantha, thank you so much for sharing your story, time, and insight, and thanks again for being on the show.
Samantha Benjamin-Allen: Thank you.
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