Sometimes in life, we experience feelings of desperation, uncertainty, confusion, or curiosity.

I was desperate and wanted to explore my options regarding employment after completing two fellowships, one in oncology and the second one in palliative care.

I don’t have many opportunities in my city due to the limited number of oncology centers. So I started considering other centers, especially in the surrounding cities.

I was thinking about the nearest city, which is just a two-hour drive from my city. That city has very few oncology facilities, but I have been considering two to three hospitals there.

There is a slight difference in the cultures of the two cities. But both of them are still in the same country, so why should I get worried?

I have friends there. I had no issues with accommodation, so I prepared my documents and arrived. The environment is different, and the people are too, but it’s a second home to me. I love so much about that area and those people.

I have several friends in that area, including one who has been with me since first grade. We are very close, and her parents live in Islamabad. I visit them frequently, and we have a strong bond.

My friends were thrilled to see me. Most of them work in gynecology and radiology and didn’t have much information about oncology options over there, apart from knowing that there are three centers in the area.

The people there are so hospitable, generous, and extremely cheerful. My friends were so happy, and many of them came from different hospitals to see me.

I told them about my plans to submit my resume, and a friend of mine opened her cupboards and brought all of her suits because she thought my clothes were not good enough.

I selected a blue suit because blue is my favorite color. She ironed it for me, another friend straightened my hair, and another friend did my makeup because, according to them, you have to look extraordinary when going to an interview.

When I visited the first hospital, my experience was extremely positive. The staff were very professional and skilled at their work. However, as a young doctor starting my career, I felt it was important to explore employment opportunities at other hospitals as well.

A lot of people had recommended a top private hospital in the city, even though it only had two oncologists. I arrived at the hospital at nearly 1 p.m. The physician assistant informed me that the head of department (HOD) had left for a lunch and prayer break, and I would have to wait.

At 3 p.m., the senior oncologist returned. He was tall and quite elderly, definitely over 70 years old. His response was encouraging. He asked me about my educational background, basic details about my city, and told me to immediately submit my resume. He guided me to the HR department, which was located in another building outside the hospital premises.

I felt relieved after his response.

I also met the second oncologist, who was around 70 years old. Both of them seemed to be quite experienced and must be good at their jobs, I assume.

The second doctor was somewhat hesitant and advised me to carefully consider the advantages and disadvantages of moving to another city. He asked me to think about the potential challenges I might encounter with finding a place to live, transportation, and adjusting to a new environment. He emphasized that relocating to a new city was a significant decision, especially since I had never lived away from home before.

He raised valid concerns and expressed his reluctance to go through the rigorous process of hiring a registrar only for them to leave soon after, citing a similar past experience. He also asked for my name and noted it down, along with my contact number.

After sharing his concerns, he offered me tea and reassured me that he would welcome me as a registrar if I could manage, with no reservations about selecting me for the role.

I remember that day very well. The weather was pleasant, and I was in a good mood. When I stepped out of the OPD, I saw that it was raining heavily outside. So, I decided to wait for a while before heading to HR to submit my resume. I thought it was important to submit my resume first and then think about other things later.

It was evening time, and many nurses were leaving the hospital while others were arriving for their duties. As I was observing this, I noticed the HOD, whom I had met earlier, coming towards me. He signaled for me to go to him.

He asked, “Kaaghaz jama karva diye apne?” (Did you submit your resume?)

I told him that it was raining heavily, so I was waiting for the rain to slow down before going to HR. He said, “OK.”

Then he asked me, “Kabhi becha hai khud ko?” (Have you ever sold yourself?)

I couldn’t understand him. I looked at him questioningly.

He asked me the same question again. This time, I understood what he meant, but I didn’t know how to respond.

I said, “Naheen.” (No)

He then asked, “Shaadi hui hai?” (Have you gotten married?)

Again, I replied, “Naheen.” (No)

He followed up with, “Koi mangni wagera?” (Are you engaged or anything?)

He asked, “Larkay yahan ke achay hen ya wahan ke?” (Are the boys here better or there?)

I told him, “Wahan ke.” (The boys there)

I interrupted him by asking, “Aap kyun pooch rahe hen?” (Why are you asking me all this?)

He ignored my question.

He said, “To kya waja hai aap khud naheen karna chahti?” (What’s the reason? Don’t you want to get married?)

I replied, “Main kyun nahi karna chahungi, ho jaye gi jab Allah chahy ga.” (Why wouldn’t I? It will happen when it’s meant to be!)

He said, “To aap koshish karen na! Ap to MashaAllah khoobsurat hen. Chalen aap CV jama karwayen.” (So you should try yourself then! You are pretty! Let’s get your CV submitted.)

I left the hospital, took a rickshaw, and went back to the girls’ hostel. I didn’t have any plans to submit my resume to that hospital anymore. When I reached the hostel, I was filled with mixed emotions. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling—anger, sadness, humiliation, or just disappointment.

When I told my friends what had happened, they were also shocked. I was just curious if people in their city were this heartless, or if it was standard practice to ask every young female physician these types of questions.

One friend mentioned that it’s common to be asked personal questions about engagement and marriage at work, but they had never heard such words from seniors. It was unbearable to be asked such questions so openly, especially by someone over 70 with more professional experience than my age.

Many of them cursed him, and I was just wondering if I was at fault somewhere. I asked my friends, “Do I look like a slut?” Was the lipstick weird? Was the eyeliner the problem? I thought the shalwar kameez had full sleeves, and the clothes were modest; I’m not sure what went wrong.

People may think that girls who consider employment opportunities in other cities are shameless/characterless, but it is not their fault if they are unable to find a suitable job, right? Who wouldn’t prefer a nice job near her family?

A friend joked to cheer me up by saying, “Please don’t wear blue next time!”

It got me thinking about how long we’ll continue to tell our daughters how to dress while neglecting to teach our sons about respecting women. It shouldn’t matter which community, city, or country she comes from. I believe if I had been from the same city as him, or a well-known tribe or an influential family, or shared the same ethnicity, he would have treated me with more respect.

I can’t stop thinking about all those female patients with breast and gynecological cancers who were receiving treatment from him because there was no female oncologist in that area. I feel deeply saddened for those patients.

I was upset for a day or two, but my friends did their best to cheer me up. We explored the entire city, tried out various eateries, and indulged in lots of kebabs and karahis. Their efforts made me laugh a lot, and I enjoyed every single day.

Before leaving, I was confused about whether I should apply to the third hospital or not. I was also worried about what I should change about myself this time. Then I thought, why should I change myself? I went to the last interview the way I was, with the same hair and in the same blue dress.

This visit is a memorable one for me. The consultant over there listened to me very patiently, although there was no seat for a registrar there. He assured me that it was OK that I was a little worried and uncertain about my future. He told me, “I understand. I have been through this phase. You are so talented. You are gonna do just fine. Trust me!”

I will always remember how he encouraged me. Even though there were no available positions at the time, he still accepted my CV and reassured me that he would consider me. He made me feel like a genuinely concerned senior who wished me good luck and success.

It’s interesting how we often complain about the lack of female physicians and criticize women for “wasting” their degrees by becoming housewives. Yet, when a woman tries to pursue a challenging specialty or is career-oriented and ambitious, we immediately push her back. Our society seems to have a double standard. On one hand, it encourages us to do our best, but when we grow up to be non-submissive adults and challenge the norms, the older generation sees us as a competitor or threat.

I believe young doctors, especially women, should discuss the reputation of a hospital or the team they will be working with beforehand, so they can avoid disappointment or wasting their time. I don’t want to feel like Dora the Explorer again.

I know that the one who provides sustenance for an ant inside a rock will also provide for me from wherever he chooses. I don’t need to be discouraged by such experiences after undergoing years of extensive studies or rigorous training. I was more interested in working there because I believe that female physicians should prioritize areas where they can be most helpful and make a greater contribution.

Young physicians, especially women, often have similar experiences. I refuse to stay silent about the challenges that female physicians face. The discrimination they experience is completely unfair and cruel.c

I am aware that young physicians often feel uncertain, fearful, and confused when considering their job prospects. Even if senior doctors cannot offer them assistance, they should still treat them with more respect. There may come a time when the senior doctors will fall ill and rely on their junior colleagues.

Damane Zehra is a radiation oncology resident in Pakistan.