Many of the physicians who come to my therapy practice share a quiet, painful fear. They’re already excellent clinicians. They know the medicine, stay up to date on the literature, and often find deep meaning in their work. But they’re worn down by the emotional toll of sitting with suffering day after day. They start to wonder: Why is this hitting me so hard when everyone else seems fine? Am …
The unseen emotional toll of being a physician
When I conduct therapy for doctors after residency, I am supporting new attending physicians as they navigate one of the most intense and disorienting transitions of their careers. These early attendings often arrive feeling untethered. They’re rediscovering who they are, working through long-ignored anxiety, stepping into their authority, and trying to build lives that don’t begin and end with medicine.
When I talk about what makes a new attending “successful,” I’m …
4 traits every new attending physician needs to thrive
As a therapist and physician spouse who works with physicians and physician couples, I’ve seen the excitement and difficulty of exiting medical training and becoming an attending. The shift is a celebratory culmination of the physician’s hard work and a jarring transition with its unique challenges. Here are six things a new attending can do to recover from their residency experience and build a thriving next chapter.
1. Process …
Successful life after residency: 6 key ways to recover and thrive
An excerpt from Love in the time of medical school: Build a happy, healthy relationship with a medical student.
My dad is the oldest of four boys and my grandfather was an anesthesiologist for many years. Apparently, the women who wanted to marry into the family all had to pass …
Navigating the minefield of medical speak in your relationship
When my husband Brian started first-year of medical school at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine, I jettisoned off to Thailand to spend a year teaching English and traveling. We figured if we were going to date long-distance, why not go all in? Why not ensure that we were a full 12 hours apart, on literal opposite sides of the world. What can I say? We like a …
5 keys to a successful long-distance relationship during medical school
Medical school applications can raise big hairy questions about the long-term potential and trajectory of your relationship as well as the question of whether you get a say in where the applicant applies and attends medical school. For some, the timing of these questions arises in synchrony with the relationship’s natural progression that is at a time when you and your partner are beginning to discuss your long-term prospects. Other …
How can relationships survive medical school applications?
Every medical couple knows that the lifestyle and career choice brings with it adjustments and sacrifices. Physician spouses and partners often take on more housework and childcare to accommodate long working hours. Physicians may work unusual hours that lead to late-night arrivals, missed bedtime tuck-ins, and less face-to-face time. This can lead many couples to blame medicine for their struggling relationship.
Take the example of a resident who has been working …
Medicine is not destroying your marriage
If your partner is a doctor or medical student, prepare yourself for dozens — possibly hundreds — of conversations about their career. If you’re lucky, these conversations are pleasant moments in which you get to show pride about your partner’s accomplishments, discuss the challenges openly, or talk about something you have learned as an outsider looking into the medical establishment.
Unfortunately, many of us experience a far more frustrating reality when …
Is your partner a doctor? Be prepared for these destructive comments.
Medical couples are experts at delaying gratification. Medical school’s rigid, unpredictable, and demanding schedule forces couples to postpone vacations, outings, dinner plans, and relationship progress. Glen Gabbard and Roy Menninger, in their book Medical Marriages, call this common trend among single- and dual-physician couples “the psychology of postponement.” They explain that medical school and demanding attending physicians become “a convenient scapegoat” for couples looking to avoid living their lives or …
Medical couples inadvertently sabotage their long-term happiness
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