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Join Marthena Phan, a medical student who shares her story of perseverance, setbacks, and ultimate triumph. From struggling with academics to facing the daunting prospect of starting over, Marthena’s story is a testament to resilience, the power of support, and the importance of embracing challenges.

Marthena Phan is a medical student.

She discusses the KevinMD article, “My experience with repeating a year of medical school.”

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Transcript

Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show. Subscribe at KevinMD.com/podcast and get CME for this episode by clicking on the CME link in the show notes. Today we welcome Marthena Phan. She’s a medical student, and her KevinMD article is titled “My experience with repeating a year of medical school.” Marthena, welcome to the show.

Marthena Phan: Thank you, Kevin, for having me here.

Kevin Pho: So let’s start by briefly sharing your story and journey.

Marthena Phan: Sure. Like Kevin said, I’m Marthena. I am a second-year medical student at Florida International University Herbert Wertheim College of Medicine in Miami. I also went to FIU for undergrad, and I went into medical school straight from undergrad. I first started in the summer of 2021, as part of the class of 2025, and I actually got through my first year of medical school. I did have a couple of obstacles, or incidents, during that year, but I did eventually get to second year as part of the class of 2025. Eventually, though, I was told by the school, the administration, to go back to the first year of medical school and rejoin as part of the class of 2026.

Of course, at first that was a very difficult and devastating event to go through, especially since, at the time, there were not a lot of people who had experienced it too. I did know of a few students at my school who had also repeated a year of medical school, or who had also experienced academic challenges like I had, but very few of them were openly talking about what they had been through. I had to either seek out people on my own or be referred to them by someone else, or by someone in the administration at the school, but there wasn’t really anyone openly sharing their experiences. So, initially, it was a little difficult for me to find support from someone who had experienced that.

That’s a really big reason I decided to share my story, in the form of the KevinMD article: to serve as a source for other students going through similar experiences. Even if someone out there may not be entirely comfortable reaching out to me directly, at least they can see my story and see that they’re not the only one going through repeating a year of medical school, or just experiencing academic challenges in general. I’m hoping that can empower them, or encourage them, to seek support or help from somebody else or through another source. So that’s an overview of me and how I got here today. I’m interested in child neurology, so that’s what I’m currently working toward, although I am keeping an open mind as well, especially since I have about two and a half years of school left. But that’s what I’m most interested in right now.

Kevin Pho: Thank you so much for sharing your story. And you’re right, there aren’t a lot of medical students who share this experience. So take us into that difficult time, at the end of your first year, when you were called in by the administration. Tell us the story.

Marthena Phan: Yes, of course. The second time I was called in by the administration was right after I had started second year, the first time, when I was part of the class of 2025. I had just received notification that I had failed a second course. At least at my school, if you fail two courses, then you have to go to the administration. That, or if you fail a remediation exam, which is what happened to me the first time I went to the administration, and they allowed me to stay with my original class. That’s basically another reason for them to call you. But the second time was because I had failed the first block of my second year, by only 1 percent, which was even more devastating. It was like rubbing salt in the wound, in that sense.

I briefly mentioned this in the essay, but very shortly before that second course failure and my getting called to the committee again, I had experienced a pretty big panic attack. That was something that had never happened to me before. It was the first time, and it was really frightening. Thankfully, I was able to recognize what was going on while it was occurring, and I called the mental health services at my school, and they were able to talk me through the episode and make sure I was OK and could recover. But that was also an exacerbating factor in my second course failure, along with the general anxiety and stress I was feeling. I felt like I was being overwhelmed by the course material again, like I was falling back into old ways.

Anyway, when I was called in by the administration the second time, I was still really dead set on continuing with my class. I was very resistant to the idea of being held back a year. At that time, I didn’t realize that in the long run an extra year doesn’t make a huge difference; that was something I wasn’t thinking about then. So when I was called in the second time, I tried to convince them to let me stay. I was super close to passing, and I didn’t want to be held back, so I was trying really hard to stay.

And around that time, a couple of days after I had that meeting, I also got COVID. The timing of everything was just terrible. I had to stay home from school while also waiting for this really big news, the decision about whether they were going to let me continue or have me start over, so I was dealing with a bunch of things at once. I was also studying for a midterm at that time, because in medical school, a lot of the time you just have to keep going, even if there are other things going on in your life. School doesn’t just stop. So I had to do that as well.

Eventually, literally the day before I was supposed to return to school after quarantining at home with COVID, they told me, “You are going to have to go back to first year, do a repeat year and join the class of 2026,” the class after mine. Of course, when I first heard that news, I was just devastated. I felt like everything I had worked for up to that point had been in vain. I was really ashamed, because, like I mentioned before, not a lot of students go through this, so I felt very, very alone. I wasn’t really sure who to talk to about it, or who would really understand what I was going through. Of course I had my family and my friends, and they were an amazing source of support for me, but it wasn’t exactly the same as knowing someone close to me who had gone through the same thing. So that was definitely what was going through my mind at that time. I felt hopeless. I wasn’t even sure it was going to work out the second time, when I returned to school. There was a lot of uncertainty. It was really a very uncertain and scary time, for sure.

Kevin Pho: So what was it like doing the first year of medical school over, after that initial shock?

Marthena Phan: When I first came back, I was pretty scared. Again, I didn’t know if I would be successful the second time or if I was going to be able to get through. I was also worried about people judging me at school, not just the people in my old class but also my new classmates. I didn’t know how they were going to react to me and my situation. So when I first joined, I didn’t really try to talk to anyone. I mostly kept to myself, because I wasn’t sure whether they were going to accept me or not.

Fortunately, I eventually found out there were other people in the same situation, even a couple of people I was friends with from my old class. They also ended up joining me in the class of 2026. That was definitely very helpful, because at least in the first few weeks of my second first year, I had their support. I wasn’t completely alone. But at that time I didn’t really try to get to know new people, because I wasn’t sure how they would react to us, or whether they would accept us.

At the end of the first block, which I think was almost two months into my second first year, I had passed. Not only had I passed, I had also done well. That’s when I decided to open myself up more to my new classmates. We have a class group chat, and in the group chat, I introduced myself to everyone. I shared my story, what I had gone through and how I had come to be part of their class. And everyone was very supportive. They thanked me for sharing my story, and they said things like, “We really support you, and we’re glad you’re here.” Hearing that from them really helped a lot. Before, when I had closed myself off to them, I didn’t really know what they thought of me, but after I took the initiative to introduce myself and share my experiences, that’s when I really started to understand that most of my colleagues are very supportive.

Kevin Pho: So to get into medical school, of course, you have to have top marks in premedical classes, the MCAT and all that. Can you contrast the difficulty of the work in medical school versus premedical studies?

Marthena Phan: Yeah, definitely. At least in my experience in undergrad, there wasn’t the same obligation as in medical school to be studying all the time to retain the material. The material was also more spaced out, and there wasn’t as much new material being taught to my classmates and me at any one time in college. So I didn’t really feel like I had to be studying every day to retain everything for the exams, and a big part of that was because there wasn’t as much being taught at that time. In medical school, at least when I first started, it definitely felt like there was a whole semester’s worth of material in one week, or sometimes even in a couple of days. And to be honest, I still feel like that now.

In medical school, in order to not just retain everything but really understand everything and perform well on exams, you do have to review every day and study every day. In undergrad, I felt like I didn’t really have to do that. I could just wait until a week, or a few days, before an exam to start reviewing everything, and I had a lot more downtime because of that, so it was a lot easier to manage. But in medical school, you do have to be consistent with your studying and keep up with it, which can get difficult, because that’s not the only thing you have to do in medical school. There are also extracurriculars, volunteering and personal responsibilities. So in the beginning, it was definitely difficult to balance all those things.

Kevin Pho: So once you shared your story about having to repeat the first year, did you connect with other medical students who were in the same situation?

Marthena Phan: Definitely. There were classmates, and even pre-meds, or people who weren’t even in medical school. I think it’s all students; I’ve had a pharmacy student reach out as well. But yes, a lot of other medical students, not only at FIU but at other schools as well, reached out to me and thanked me for sharing my story. Some of them even shared their own experiences, how they went through something similar: Either they had also repeated a year, or they came close to it. They also expressed how grateful they were that I’d shared my story, because with the challenges they faced, they didn’t know anyone else who was going through that. They felt alone. But after they read my story, they felt like they weren’t the only ones, and that helped them feel better and more confident that things are going to be OK, which I was really happy to hear.

Kevin Pho: So can you share some lessons and resources for other health care students who may find themselves in a situation similar to yours?

Marthena Phan: Sure. One really big lesson I learned from this experience is that it’s OK. When I first experienced this, I was really ashamed. I felt like I was the only one, and almost like there was something wrong with me, something defective. But as time went on, and I went through my first year again and connected with more people who had gone through similar situations, I realized that having these struggles in medical school, especially in the beginning, is actually a normal part of the process a lot of the time. When I was first going through them, I was unwilling to accept that. I did a lot of internalizing of my earlier mistakes and the challenges I experienced, and I used to think that because I was experiencing these things, there must be something wrong with me: “I’m not like everyone else. I don’t deserve to be here.” But in reality, these challenges can actually help shape us into the really compassionate and determined physicians and health care workers that patients really need. That’s definitely something I’ve learned over time, especially after sharing my story. So that’s something I would hope other people who come across my story, especially those going through something similar, can take away from it: that they’re not alone, and that experiencing these challenges doesn’t take away from the fact that they deserve to be where they are, and that they will get to where they want to be.

Kevin Pho: How difficult was it for you to share your story at first?

Marthena Phan: It was definitely a challenge. It’s not something I decided to do overnight; I thought about it a lot. A really big inspiration for me to share my own story was my interactions with other students who had gone through the same thing. At the time I was told I had to repeat and was trying to find support, there were really only two or three people I knew about, and even then, they weren’t as open as I am. I was referred to them by someone else, and they weren’t sharing their stories publicly or anything like that. But just the fact that they chose to make themselves available to me and support me while I was going through this experience really inspired me, not just to serve that same role for other students but also to share my story publicly. That really helped me, and I wanted to serve in that same role for other students.

But in the beginning, it was definitely something I was hesitant to do. I wasn’t really sure how far it would go. Even when I was deciding whether to open up to my new classmates or not, it took me a while to come to that decision, because, again, I wasn’t sure how they would react. But ultimately, I’m glad I did.

Kevin Pho: We’re talking to Marthena Phan. She’s a medical student. Her KevinMD article is titled “My experience with repeating a year of medical school.” Marthena, tell us some of the take-home messages that you want to leave with the KevinMD audience.

Marthena Phan: My take-home message for everyone is that you’re not alone in any struggles you may be facing, whether it’s repeating a year of medical school, academic challenges or even just something like imposter syndrome, feeling like you don’t belong. Even if you are doing well, you may also be feeling like you’re not in the right place. These are all experiences and feelings that other people have as well. You’re not the only one. And if you’re ever experiencing these things or these feelings, try to reach out to those who may have gone through the same experience, or even just to those you trust and love. I feel like that goes a long way as well.

When I was initially going through these things, I kept a lot of it to myself at first. Even from my own family and friends, I hid the real magnitude of the experiences I was facing at the time, and I feel like that did hurt me in the long run. But over time, I opened up to my family and friends and more people, and that really helped me get to where I am today. So that’s something I would want the audience to remember.

Kevin Pho: Marthena, thank you so much for sharing your story, time, and insight, and thanks again for coming on the show.

Marthena Phan: Thank you, Kevin, for having me today.