Perseverance in medical school [PODCAST]

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Join Marthena Phan, a medical student who shares her story of perseverance, setbacks, and ultimate triumph. From struggling with academics to facing the daunting prospect of starting over, Marthena’s story is a testament to resilience, the power of support, and the importance of embracing challenges.

Marthena Phan is a medical student.

She discusses the KevinMD article, “My experience with repeating a year of medical school.”

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Transcript

Kevin Pho: Hi, and welcome to the show. Subscribe at kevinmd.com/podcast and get CME for this episode by clicking on the CME link in the show notes. Today we welcome Marthena Phan. She’s a medical student, and her KevinMD article titled “My experience with repeating a year of medical school.” Marthena, welcome to the show.

Marthena Phan: Thank you, Kevin, for having me here today.

Kevin Pho: So let’s start by briefly sharing your story and journey.

Marthena Phan: Sure. So like Kevin said, I’m Marthena. I am a second-year medical student at Florida International University Herbert Wertheim College of Medicine in Miami. So I also went to FIU for undergrad, and I went into medical school straight from undergrad. I first started in 2021 as part of the class of 2025. And originally a part of class of 2025, I had started in the summer of 2021, and I had actually gotten through my first year of medical school. Although I did have a couple of obstacles or incidents that happened during that year, I did eventually get to second year as part of the class of 2025. But eventually I was kind of told by the school or the administration to go back to the first year of medical school and rejoin as the class of 2026.

And of course, originally that was a very difficult and devastating event that I went through, especially since at the time that I was going through it, there were not really a lot of people that had experienced that as well. I did know of a few students at my school who had either also repeated a year of medical school or who had also experienced academic challenges like I had. But at the time, there were very few of them that were really kind of openly talking about what they had gone through. I kind of had to either try to seek out people on my own, or I was referred to them by someone else or by someone that was in administration at the school. But there wasn’t really anyone who was openly sharing their experiences and what they had gone through. So initially, it was a little bit difficult for me to kind of find support from someone who had experienced that.

So that’s a really big reason why I decided to share my story in the form of the KevinMD article, to kind of serve as someone or a source for other students kind of going through similar experiences. And even if there is someone out there who may not be entirely comfortable reaching out to me directly, at least if they can see my story and see that they’re not the only ones who are going through repeating medical school or just experiencing academic challenges in general, I’m hoping that that can empower them or encourage them to seek support or help, maybe from somebody else or through another source.

So that’s kind of an overview of me and how I’ve got here today. And I’m interested in child neurology, so that’s currently what I’m working towards, although I am keeping an open mind as well, especially since I have about 2 and 1/2 years of school left. But that’s what I’m most interested in right now.

Kevin Pho: So thank you so much for sharing your story. And you’re right, there aren’t a lot of medical students who share this experience. So take us into that difficult time at the end of your first year, and you were called in by administration. Tell us the story.

Marthena Phan: Yeah, of course. So the second time that I was called into administration, this was right when I had started second year the first time, when I was part of the class of 2025. And I had just received notification that I had failed a second course. So basically, at least at my school, if you fail two courses, then you have to go to administration. Either that or if you fail a remediation exam, which is what happened to me the first time I went to administration, and they allowed me to stay with my original class. That’s basically another reason for them to call you.

But the second time was because I had failed the first block in my second year by only 1 percent, which kind of was even more devastating. It was kind of rubbing salt into the wound in that sense. So I was called to administration after that, and I briefly mentioned this in the essay, but very shortly before that second course failure and me getting called to the committee again, I had experienced a pretty big panic attack. And this was something that had never happened to me before this. It was the first time, and it was really frightening. Thankfully, I was able to kind of recognize what was going on when it was occurring, and then I called the mental health services at my school, and they were able to kind of talk me through the episode and ensure that I was OK and that I could recover.

But that was also kind of an exacerbating factor towards my second course failure, just the general anxiety and stress that I was feeling. I felt like I was overwhelmed again, being overwhelmed by the course material again, like I was kind of falling back into old ways. So anyways, when I was called back into administration the second time, at that time I was still really kind of dead set on continuing with my class. I really was very resistant against the idea of repeating, being held back a year. At that time, I didn’t realize that, in the long run, an extra year doesn’t make a huge difference, but that was something that I wasn’t really thinking about at the time.

So when I was called to them the second time, I tried to convince them to let me stay. I was super close to passing. I didn’t want to be held back. So at that time, I was trying really hard to stay. And around that time as well, about a couple days after I had that meeting, I also got COVID. So the timing of everything was just kind of terrible because I got COVID. So I had to stay home from school while also waiting for this really big news and this decision of whether they’re going to let me continue or have me start over.

So I was kind of dealing with a bunch of things at once. I was also studying for a midterm at that time as well because, you know, medical school, a lot of time you kind of just have to keep going even if there’s other things going on in your life. School kind of just doesn’t stop. So I had to do that as well. But eventually, literally the day before I was supposed to return to school after I was kind of home quarantining from COVID, that’s when they told me, “You are going to have to go back to first year, go through a repeat year, and join the class of 2026,” which is the class after mine.

And of course, when I first heard that news, I was just devastated. I felt like everything that I had worked for up to that point was kind of in vain. I was really ashamed because I felt like, kind of like I mentioned before, not really a lot of students go through this. So I felt very, very alone. I wasn’t really sure who to talk to about this or who would really understand what I was going through. Of course, I had my family, I had my friends, and they were definitely an amazing source of support for me. But it wasn’t exactly the same as knowing someone close to me who had gone through the same thing.

So that was definitely what was going through my mind at that time. I kind of felt hopeless. I wasn’t even sure if it was going to work out the second time, when I would return to school. So there was a lot of uncertainty there. So yeah, it was really a very uncertain and scary time for sure.

Kevin Pho: So what was it like doing the first year of medical school over after that initial shock?

Marthena Phan: So when I first came back initially, I was pretty scared. Again, I didn’t know if I would be successful the second time or if I was going to be able to get through. I was also worried about people judging me at school, not just the people in my old class, and also my new classmates. I did not know how they were going to react to me and my situation. So when I first joined, I didn’t really try to talk to anyone. I kind of mostly kept to myself because I wasn’t sure if they were going to accept me or not.

Fortunately, I did know a few people who also were in the same situation. Eventually, I did find out there were other people in the same situation, even a couple people I was friends with from my old class. They also eventually ended up joining me in the class of 2026. So that was definitely very helpful because at least in the first few weeks of my second first year, I did have their support. I wasn’t completely alone, but at that time I didn’t really try to get to know new people just because I wasn’t sure how they would react to us or if they would accept us.

But at the end of the first block, so I think this is about almost two months into the second first year, when I finished the first block, I had passed. I not only passed, I had also done well. That’s when I decided to kind of open myself up more to my new classmates. And we have a class group chat. So in the class group chat, that’s when I kind of introduced myself to everyone. I shared my story, what I had gone through, and how I had gotten to be part of their class.

And everyone was very supportive. They thanked me for sharing my story. And they were saying things like, “We really support you, and we’re glad that you’re here.” And kind of just hearing that from them, I think that really helped a lot. Because before, I kind of closed myself off to them. I didn’t really know what they thought of me, but I think after me taking the initiative to introduce myself and share my experiences with them, that’s when I really started to understand that a lot of people, most of my colleagues, are very supportive.

Kevin Pho: So to get into medical school, of course, you would have to have top marks in pre-med classes and the MCATs and all that. So can you contrast the difficulty in the work that you had in medical school versus premedical school?

Marthena Phan: Yeah, definitely. So at least in my experience in undergrad throughout college, there wasn’t really that obligation, as in medical school, to be studying all the time to retain the material. And also, the material was more spaced out, and there wasn’t as much new material being taught to me and to my classmates in college at that one time. So I didn’t really feel like I had to be studying every day to try to retain everything for the exams. And a big part of that was because there wasn’t as much that we were being taught at that time.

So while in medical school, at least when I first started, it definitely felt like there was a whole semester’s worth of material in one week or maybe sometimes even in a couple days. So I definitely felt like that. I still feel like that now, to be honest. But in medical school, in order to kind of retain, not just retain everything, but also really understand everything and be able to perform well on exams, you do have to review every day, study every day.

I felt like in undergrad, I didn’t really have to do that. I could kind of just maybe wait till a week before, a few days before an exam to kind of start reviewing everything. I definitely felt like I had a lot more downtime because of that, so it was a lot easier to manage. But in medical school, you do have to be kind of consistent with your studying and keep up with that, which sometimes can get difficult because that’s not the only thing that you do have to do in medical school. There’s also extracurriculars, volunteering, and personal responsibilities as well. So in the beginning, it was definitely getting difficult to balance all those things.

Kevin Pho: So once you shared your story about having to repeat the first year, did you connect with other medical students who were in that same situation?

Marthena Phan: Definitely. So there were people, classmates and even pre-meds or people who weren’t even in medical school. So I think that’s all students. I’ve had a pharmacy student reach out as well. But yes, I definitely did have a lot of other medical students, not only just at FIU, but from other schools as well, reach out to me and thank me for sharing my story.

And some of them even shared their experiences, how they went through something similar. Either they also repeated a year or they came close to it, and they also expressed how grateful they were for me sharing my story because what they had gone through, the challenges that they faced, they also didn’t know anyone else who was going through that. They felt alone. But after they read my story, they felt like they weren’t the only ones, and that helped them kind of feel better and more confident, and things are going to be OK, which I was really happy to hear that from them.

Kevin Pho: So can you share some lessons and resources to other health care students who may find themselves in a similar situation that you did?

Marthena Phan: Sure. So definitely one really big lesson that I learned from this experience is that it’s OK. I feel like when I first started and when I first experienced this, I was really ashamed. I felt like I was the only one and that there was almost something wrong with me and that there was something defective. But as time went on and I went through my first year again, and I also connected with more people who had gone through similar situations, I realized that having these struggles in medical school, especially in the beginning, a lot of times it’s a normal part of the process.

When I was first going through them, I was kind of unwilling to accept that. I felt like I did a lot of internalization of my earlier mistakes and challenges that I experienced. And I used to think that because I was experiencing things, there must be something wrong with me. “I’m not like everyone else. I don’t deserve to be here.” But in reality, these challenges can actually kind of help us, shape us into the really compassionate and determined physicians and health care workers that patients really need. And that’s definitely something that I’ve learned over time, especially after sharing my story.

And so that’s something that I definitely would hope that other people who come across my story, especially those who are going through something similar, that’s definitely something that I hope they can take away from that, is that they’re not alone. And that experiencing these challenges, that doesn’t take away from the fact that they deserve to be where they are and that they will get to where they want to be.

Kevin Pho: How difficult was it for you to initially share your story?

Marthena Phan: It was definitely a challenge. It’s not something that I decided to do overnight. I thought about it a lot. And a really big inspiration for me to share my own story was actually in my interactions with other students who had gone through the same thing. At the time that I was told I had to repeat and I was trying to find support, there were really only maybe two or three people that I knew about. And even then, they were kind of not as open as I am.

I was either referred to them from someone else, but they weren’t sharing their stories publicly or anything like that. But even just the fact that they chose to make themselves available for me and to support me while I was going through this experience, I feel like that really inspired me to share my story, not just serve that same role to other students, but also to really share my stories publicly. Because again, I feel like that really helped me, and I wanted to kind of serve in that same role to other students.

But definitely in the beginning, it was something that I was kind of hesitant to do. I wasn’t really sure how far it would go. Even when I was deciding whether to open up to my new classmates or not, that took me a while to kind of come to that decision because again, I wasn’t sure how they would react to that. But ultimately, I’m glad that I did.

Kevin Pho: We’re talking to Marthena Phan. She’s a medical student. Her KevinMD article’s titled “My experience with repeating a year of medical school.” Marthena, tell us some of your take-home messages that you want to leave with the KevinMD audience.

Marthena Phan: So my take-home message for everyone is that you’re not alone in any struggles that you may be facing, whether they’re repeating medical school or academic challenges or even just facing something like imposter syndrome, feeling like you don’t belong. Even if you feel like you are doing well, but you’re also feeling like you’re not in the right place, these are all experiences and feelings that other people have as well. You’re not necessarily not the only one.

And if you ever are experiencing these things or these feelings, try to reach out to those who may have gone through the same experience or even just those that you trust and that you love. I feel like that definitely comes a long way as well. Because when I was initially going through these things, at first I kind of kept a lot of it to myself. Even to my own family and friends, I kind of hid the real magnitude of the experiences that I was facing at the time, and I feel like that did hurt me in the long run. But over time, when I opened up to my family and friends and more people, that really helped me get to where I am today. So that’s something that I would want the audience to remember.

Kevin Pho: Marthena, thank you so much for sharing your story, time, and insight, and thanks again for coming on the show.

Marthena Phan: Thank you, Kevin, for having me today.

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