A rabbi asks his students a question: “Where does God dwell?” One student answered, “Heaven.” Another answered, “We are only human; we cannot possibly know where God dwells.” “No,” the rabbi replied. “God dwells wherever we choose to let God in.” Might not the same question be asked about gratitude? Where does gratitude dwell? And the answer may be the same. Gratitude dwells wherever we choose to let gratitude into our lives.
As I look back upon my life, and especially my medical career spanning over forty years, it saddens me to know that so often my dwelling was not open to gratitude. For so many years, I had not a clue as to where to find the key to unlock that space for gratitude. And even now, I struggle daily to unlock those doors.
But here are some lessons I learned about gratitude.
Lesson 1: Savor that Coca-Cola
One of my physician colleagues grew up in a small village in Ghana, West Africa. In those days, Douglass recalls, the biggest treat in his life occurred once a year, at Christmas time. On this day, twelve months of yearning were finally fulfilled. On this day, he was given the yearly prize of his young life: a Coca-Cola. Nowadays, of course, Douglass can have a full glass of Coca-Cola anytime he wishes. Yet Douglass has not forgotten those days growing up in that poor West African village. “America is a wonderful place,” he says. “I am grateful for everything I have. And I still savor every sip of every Coca-Cola.”
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A while ago, I was doing some work in my office. My wife brought me in my favorite, a pastrami sandwich on rye. About fifteen minutes later the sandwich was gone. No one had entered my room. No one had stolen it. I ate it and didn’t realize I ate it. Not only did I not savor every bite, but I didn’t even taste the damn thing.
Here is a question: How many of us are grateful for every sip of our Coca-Colas? How many of us are grateful for every bite of our pastrami sandwiches on rye?
Lesson 2: This thought never occurred to me
A student nurse in our hospital approached me. She was curious about a neurology patient. After discussing the particular patient, she then told me the best part of her week occurred when she was out of the classroom and had the opportunity to work on the wards with patients. “At the end of each shift,” she said, “I visit each of my patients to thank them personally for the privilege of taking care of them. I tell them how grateful I am to be able to be their nurse for that day.”
It’s funny. As a physician, I had been doing this job for over forty years. The thought of expressing gratitude to my patients never occurred to me. Like that student nurse, I too should have realized the blessing of expressing gratitude to my patients. But I never knew where that gratitude dwelled.
Lesson 3: I am thankful I am miserable
One morning, I got stuck for two hours in a traffic jam on the San Mateo Bridge. My beeper was beeping. My cell phone was ringing. My patients were angry. My staff was frustrated. I was getting a little cranky myself. Finally, I arrived at work. My first patient was a woman of thirty-three with two young children. She had multiple sclerosis. She was in a wheelchair. She would be in one for the rest of her life.
Woody Allen once remarked, “Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.” “The horrible,” said Woody, “is like a child born with a serious birth defect or like starvation in Africa.” Or, I suppose, like a mother with multiple sclerosis who will never walk. “That’s the horrible,” says Woody. “And the miserable is everything else.”
Reflecting on that traffic jam morning, I try to remind myself to be grateful for annoying traffic jams on the San Mateo Bridge. I try to remind myself to be grateful for the everything else. I try to remind myself, as Woody Allen says, to be grateful for the miserable.
Where does God dwell? It is wherever we choose to let God in. Where does gratitude dwell? Same place. It is wherever we choose to let gratitude in. To all who may read this: If you haven’t already, I hope you will find that dwelling where gratitude lives and throw the doors open wide. I hope you will be grateful for every sip of your Coca-Cola. I hope you will be grateful for every bite of your pastrami on rye. I hope you will be grateful for every annoying traffic jam. I hope you will be grateful for the miserable.
Because that is where gratitude dwells. And perhaps, that is where God dwells too.
Scott Abramson practiced neurology with Kaiser Permanente Northern California for over 40 years, from 1979 to 2020. Throughout those years, Dr. Abramson was passionately involved in physician communication and physician wellness endeavors. Some of his insights and stories from his experiences in these endeavors can be found in video format on his YouTube channel, Doctor Wisdom. He is also the author of Bedside Manners for Physicians and Everybody Else: What They Don’t Teach in Medical School (or Any Other School).
While retired from neurology, Dr. Abramson remains actively engaged in physician communication and physician wellness pursuits. He has conducted numerous workshops in these areas and has personally coached many physicians. He has developed programs on time management, physician-patient communication, marriage in medicine, burnout, the threatened physician, difficult conversations, storytelling, and his favorites: “The Secret of Happiness” and “What The Great Wisdom of Country Music Can Teach Physicians.” He takes pleasure in delivering talks on these and other subjects.
