Toni Bernhard, JD
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Latest articles
Patient voices
One of the difficulties faced by those of us who are chronically ill (which includes chronic pain) is that others don’t understand what we’re going through. Our culture does a poor job of educating people about health challenges even though…
One of the difficulties faced by those of us who are chronically ill (which includes chronic pain) is that others don’t understand what we’re going through. Our culture does a poor job of educating people about health challenges even though they’re a natural part of the human condition.
We wish with all our hearts that others understood these four things.
1. When you’re chronically ill, you’re likely to look fine. When I …
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4 things the chronically ill wish others understood
Patient voices
Chronic pain affects almost every aspect of a person’s life. I know because I live with it every day. Here are five seldom-recognized and, thus, seldom-understood consequences of living with chronic pain. 1. Sleep deprivation Some people with chronic pain…
Chronic pain affects almost every aspect of a person’s life. I know because I live with it every day. Here are five seldom-recognized and, thus, seldom-understood consequences of living with chronic pain.
1. Sleep deprivation
Some people with chronic pain can find a sleeping position that allows their pain to subside enough to fall asleep. I usually can. Unfortunately, something that worked when I turned the lights out can wake me up …
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5 hidden consequences of chronic pain
Patient voices
I’m writing this piece partly to celebrate the release of my new book, How to Be Sick: Your Pocket Companion, and partly, as always, to try and help readers. I thought I would share the challenges that the book covers,…
I’m writing this piece partly to celebrate the release of my new book, How to Be Sick: Your Pocket Companion, and partly, as always, to try and help readers. I thought I would share the challenges that the book covers, adding some comments as I go. Many of the challenges turn out to apply to the restricted lives all of us are leading in light of …
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10 challenges faced by those with chronic pain and illness
Conditions and diseases
Mindfulness can help you not make the stress of COVID-19 worse. I’ll start with the easiest way to practice mindfulness; you need not even be meditating. Stop whatever you’re doing and shift your attention to the physical sensation of three…
Mindfulness can help you not make the stress of COVID-19 worse.
I’ll start with the easiest way to practice mindfulness; you need not even be meditating. Stop whatever you’re doing and shift your attention to the physical sensation of three or four breaths as they come in and go out of your body.
That’s basic mindfulness practice.
For me, the most valuable aspect of doing this is that pausing to follow my breath …
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2 mindfulness practices to help cope with COVID-19
Conditions and diseases
Embarrassment is a feeling of awkward self-consciousness or shame. It manifests as a sense of discomfort or even foolishness around others. Feeling embarrassed is emotionally painful because it means you feel uncomfortable with yourself. The problem with embarrassment is that…
Embarrassment is a feeling of awkward self-consciousness or shame. It manifests as a sense of discomfort or even foolishness around others. Feeling embarrassed is emotionally painful because it means you feel uncomfortable with yourself.
The problem with embarrassment is that it adds a layer of mental suffering to the difficulties you’re already facing with your health. Here are four reasons why those of us who are chronically ill feel embarrassed at …
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What to do when chronic illness is a source of embarrassment
Patient voices
For many years after I became chronically ill, I blamed myself for failing to recover my health. I told myself: “You get sick; you get better. It’s as simple as that.” As a result of this stubborn attitude, I refused…
For many years after I became chronically ill, I blamed myself for failing to recover my health. I told myself: “You get sick; you get better. It’s as simple as that.” As a result of this stubborn attitude, I refused to set limits, even though it would have been a tremendous help, not only in managing my symptoms but in keeping them from flaring.
Learning to set limitations
I have a background …
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If you’re chronically ill, setting limitations can make your symptoms manageable
Patient voices
I’ve been concerned lately. Here’s why. In 2001, I got sick with what the doctors assumed was an acute viral infection, but I never recovered. I’m mostly housebound, often bedbound. My diagnosis is the little understood (but much misunderstood) myalgic…
I’ve been concerned lately. Here’s why.
In 2001, I got sick with what the doctors assumed was an acute viral infection, but I never recovered. I’m mostly housebound, often bedbound. My diagnosis is the little understood (but much misunderstood) myalgic encephalomyelitis, also known as chronic fatigue syndrome or ME/CFS. I describe it as “the flu without the fever.” This means that fatigue is only one of many symptoms I contend with …
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The dilemmas faced by the chronically ill as they age
Patient voices
An excerpt from How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers (Second Edition). Copyright 2018 by Toni Bernhard. Excerpted with permission from Wisdom Publications. In the years since I’ve been chronically ill, more essential…
An excerpt from How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and Their Caregivers (Second Edition). Copyright 2018 by Toni Bernhard. Excerpted with permission from Wisdom Publications.
In the years since I’ve been chronically ill, more essential to me than formal meditation has been mindfulness outside of meditation. Mindfulness refers to paying attention to your present-moment experience. It’s as simple as that. There’s no belief system …
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The present moment as a refuge
Patient voices
After many years of being mostly housebound by chronic illness (which includes chronic pain), here are a few of the dilemmas I’ve faced over and over. I’m confident that I’m not alone in my “should I/shouldn’t I?” world. Do I…
After many years of being mostly housebound by chronic illness (which includes chronic pain), here are a few of the dilemmas I’ve faced over and over. I’m confident that I’m not alone in my “should I/shouldn’t I?” world.
Do I accept an invitation from a friend to get together or do I refuse it?
If I refuse the invitation, depending on who issued it, it may be the last one I’ll receive …
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Should I or shouldn’t I? The dilemmas faced by the chronically ill.
Patient voices
I’ve written a lot about the tough challenges that those of us with chronic illness face (chronic illness includes chronic pain). I thought it would be constructive to take what I tend to think of as negatives and see if…
I’ve written a lot about the tough challenges that those of us with chronic illness face (chronic illness includes chronic pain). I thought it would be constructive to take what I tend to think of as negatives and see if I could turn them into positives. Sometimes I had to dig deep to turn a negative into a positive; nevertheless, here are the results of my experiment.
Negative: I don’t look …
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Turning negatives into positives when you’re chronically ill
Patient voices
Healthy or not, everybody has his or her share of frustrations in life. The chronically ill don’t have a corner on that market! This piece focuses on frustrations that are unique to those with ongoing health issues. I’ve experienced all…
Healthy or not, everybody has his or her share of frustrations in life. The chronically ill don’t have a corner on that market! This piece focuses on frustrations that are unique to those with ongoing health issues. I’ve experienced all of them as a result of being chronically ill with a debilitating illness that settled in after I contracted what appeared to be an acute viral infection in 2001.
Here are …
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The most frustrating things about being chronically ill
Patient voices
After sixteen years of chronic illness and even after writing a book titled How to Be Sick, I still can feel sick of being sick. (When I use the word “sick,” I’m including chronic pain.) If you’re as intimately familiar…
After sixteen years of chronic illness and even after writing a book titled How to Be Sick, I still can feel sick of being sick. (When I use the word “sick,” I’m including chronic pain.) If you’re as intimately familiar as I am with sick of being sick, you know it how unpleasant it feels.
Here are ten strategies to help you through this difficult emotional time.
1. Start by acknowledging how …
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10 strategies to try when you’re sick of being sick
Patient voices
Pacing refers to spacing out your activities during the day so that you’re able to stay within the limits of what your body can handle without exacerbating your symptoms. Another way to think of it is that pacing is a…
Pacing refers to spacing out your activities during the day so that you’re able to stay within the limits of what your body can handle without exacerbating your symptoms. Another way to think of it is that pacing is a way to keep you inside your “energy envelope” — the envelope that contains your energy stores for any given day.
First, an admission: Even though pacing may be the single best …
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5 effective strategies for pacing when you’re sick or in pain
Patient voices
Obviously, chronic illness doesn’t affect everyone the same way. That said, I’ve heard from people all over the world with every imaginable chronic illness (which includes chronic pain), and our day-to-day lives are strikingly similar. And so, I thought I’d…
Obviously, chronic illness doesn’t affect everyone the same way. That said, I’ve heard from people all over the world with every imaginable chronic illness (which includes chronic pain), and our day-to-day lives are strikingly similar. And so, I thought I’d describe a typical “day in the life,” using my own experience from a few months ago as an example. My hope in writing this piece is for those of us …
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A blow-by-blow account of daily life with chronic pain and illness
Patient voices
After more than fifteen years of being mostly housebound by chronic illness (which includes chronic pain), here are a few of the dilemmas I’ve faced over and over. I’m confident that I’m not alone in my “should I/shouldn’t I?” world.…
After more than fifteen years of being mostly housebound by chronic illness (which includes chronic pain), here are a few of the dilemmas I’ve faced over and over. I’m confident that I’m not alone in my “should I/shouldn’t I?” world.
Do I accept an invitation from a friend to get together or do I refuse it?
If I refuse the invitation, depending on who issued it, it may be the last one …
Read more…
The dilemmas faced by the chronically ill
Patient voices
This piece is based on personal experience and on the thousands of emails I’ve received from those who live day-to-day with chronic illness (which includes chronic pain). 1. Email. I know the joy of hearing the actual voice of a…
This piece is based on personal experience and on the thousands of emails I’ve received from those who live day-to-day with chronic illness (which includes chronic pain).
1. Email. I know the joy of hearing the actual voice of a loved one. That said, email is the principal way I communicate with people.
It’s hard for me to talk on the phone. It saps my energy quickly, partly because of the need for …
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10 indispensables for those with chronic pain and illness
Patient voices
Many of us who suffer from chronic pain and illness are on medications that carry side effects that, in some cases, can be as difficult to cope with as our initial health problems. I’ve recently started a medication that I’m…
Many of us who suffer from chronic pain and illness are on medications that carry side effects that, in some cases, can be as difficult to cope with as our initial health problems. I’ve recently started a medication that I’m scheduled to be on for five years. I’m taking it because it significantly reduces the risk of a recurrence of my recent bout with breast cancer.
And so, yes, I’m taking …
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Strategies for coping with the side effects of medications
Patient voices
Here’s the most distressing piece of unsolicited advice I’ve received to date. It showed up in my Inbox two days after I’d completed a course of radiation for breast cancer. The email was in response to an article I’d written…
Here’s the most distressing piece of unsolicited advice I’ve received to date. It showed up in my Inbox two days after I’d completed a course of radiation for breast cancer. The email was in response to an article I’d written about this new, unexpected turn my life had taken; the article included the fact that, at the time, I was in the middle of a course of radiation treatment. Here’s …
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4 ways to handle unsolicited health advice
Patient voices
An excerpt from How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide. Copyright 2015 by Toni Bernhard. Excerpted with permission from Wisdom Publications. "Freedom is instantaneous the moment we accept the way things are." - Karen Maezen…
An excerpt from How to Live Well with Chronic Pain and Illness: A Mindful Guide. Copyright 2015 by Toni Bernhard. Excerpted with permission from Wisdom Publications.
“Freedom is instantaneous the moment we accept the way things are.”
– Karen Maezen Miller
A well-known Buddhist story known as the Mustard Seed helped me learn that continually asking “Why Me?” was an unrealistic assessment of the human condition that had become an …
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Turning “Why me?” into “Why not me?”
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